It amazes me that I need to put this together and put it out there, but between too many observations and conversations with others, sadly I do. While this is geared towards local NY, LI, NJ, and CT beaches it applies pretty much worldwide. 

If you see Red and Green flags…they are not just for decoration. You swim in between the Green ones. You don’t ignore them and make Lifeguards run across the beach to tell you to move over when someone may be out in the water really needing real help. 


Respect the Lifeguards and listen to them. The are there to potentially save your or a loved ones life. 

If you see posts for Rip Currents…Do Not go in(Unless you litter at the beach and blast music…then by all means please go in. Rules don’t apply to you…just wait till the Lifeguards are off duty:) 

If the Jetty, Rocks, etc have a sign saying not to go on them, Do Not go on them to take a damn selfie or pic of another. When you do, it makes the Lifeguards run to you to get you off them distracting them from keeping people safe in the water

Don’t go swimming with your Sunglasses on, great way to lose them. Even in a Velcro sealed pocket they can get sucked out while bodysurfing. Kinda found that out the hard way this Summer(on the bright side, you get a brand new pair. Shout out #WarbyParker )


Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. This means lots of water and the like. Not Beer or soda, they dehydrate you. Drink the beer after the beach at a beach bar. If driving, don’t until you get home. Do you really need to be told this? Oh I can handle X amount…No, you can’t. 

Wear Sunblock ( Shout-out #Zinka to prot ft your nose šŸ™‚ and a good one. Your only hurting yourself if you don’t. Aloe Vera lotion after you shower is also a great idea. 

Make sure your food ( Shout Out #MaxBialystok ) at the beach is secured inside your bags. Seagulls have a great sense of smell and are good at pulling things out that are not secured. They also call to their flock to come and get some. 

For the love of God do not throw bread for them to eat…they swarm the area. Translates to pee and bird-shit on you and your things.

Clean up after yourself. It’s your job to leave the beach as you found it. Do you throw wrappers, cans, plastic bottles, napkins etc around your house? If so, don’t come to the beach. If you do, bring your Mommy so she can clean up after you.

Do not blast your music at the beach. No one wants to hear it but you. You literally deserve sand kicked in your face for doing it. 


Absolutely do not walk around blasting music. Its sound pollution and it’s like getting hit in the ear when it’s too close. You deserve a smack upside the head. It also screams that you have a very small penis that likely doesn’t function properly and you are  very, very insecure about it. 

Do not blast your music on Public Transpiration coming or going to the beach. For all I’m concerned Train Conductors  should ticket you with fines.

iPads and Games -If you or your little darling requires one then equip them with ear buds or a headset. No one wants to hear the beats, blasts or music from it. 

Don’t kick sand in people’s faces when you are waking or running by others chilling ( Shout-out to #magazines #Hayo and  #Whalebone ) on their towels and beach-chairs whether it’s crowded or not. Caveat. If They are blasting music while throwing bread for the Seagulls…kick copious amounts of sand in their faces. 

We all go to the beach to have fun. Have a great time. Respect the beach, the environment, your beach neighbors and fellow railroad, bus, ferry passengers. 

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